apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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