Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
