I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
