oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
