He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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