put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
