PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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