He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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