My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
