I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
