3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
