We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
