I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
foreskin is a definite game changer
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
