I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
