Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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