it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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