Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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