you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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