one two three fourrrrnication!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
