Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
