Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Randomize
