there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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