Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
