The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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