I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
