The maid of honor just puked.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
