I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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