i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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