yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
