I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
