Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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