just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
