You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
