I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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