She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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