Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
handjob tips. give me some.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
