You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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