I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I checked into jail on foursquare
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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