I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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