sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
