Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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