I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
