gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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