i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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