guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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