I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
