Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
