You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
