she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
