Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
