just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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